I'd Like To Buy A Vowel

Throughout my childhood, I had a variety of career aspirations. For example, at the age of four, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would proudly proclaim "Vanna White!" Yes, I felt that my talents would be best spent walking back and forth across a soundstage, turning letters (and later, as technology advanced, touching a screen to reveal letters). Plus she wore, like, really pretty sparkly dresses! What an awesome job! Later, I got a little older and decided that I wanted to be a member of The Mickey Mouse Club. Or Kids Incorporated, really I wasn't picky. Then I expanded beyond the show business industry and thought I might like to be a teacher. Then in sixth grade, my yearbook entry stated that I wanted to be a pediatrician. Really? I don't know where that one came from. I must not have realized how much schooling went into that, not to mention science classes, which I hate, and blood and needles, which I fear. But never mind. By seventh grade I knew what I really, truly wanted to be: a Janet Jackson back up dancer. I had the moves from the "If" video down pat, and I was pretty much obsessed with dance, taking at least 5 classes a week. Yes this was my calling.

In junior high, Brooke and I were so into our dance "careers" we refused to do anything that might jeopardize that.

Running the mile in PE: No thanks, we will walk. We don't want to develop bulky muscles that might not look aesthetically pleasing as a dancer, and ruin our futures in dance.

Invited to go on a snowboarding trip: Sorry, no can do. We might injure ourselves and not be able to perform at the Red Lion Inn in Sacramento next week.

The good news is, our ridiculous obsession also kept us out also kept us out of trouble. We wouldn't dare do anything to get ourselves in trouble and possibly risk our futures as Broadway dancers or Rockettes. Actually, I am too short to be a Rockette, which completely devastated me when I found out, but I digress.

Now that I am still looking for work and not having much luck, I think I may have had it right at the age of four. I mean Vanna White's job is pretty much awesome, and one of the few jobs for which I feel totally confident that I am qualified. Look out Vanna, someone's gunning for you to trip on your heels and leave a vacancy...