Alright, so if you don't watch The Real Housewives of NYC then I'm pretty much useless to you tonight.
I was watching my DVR'd rendition of last night's episode and I got about halfway through when I thought to myself "Wow, I am rather enjoying this episode in a way that is new and different. What could it be, self, what could it BE?" and then it hit me: Kelly "I'm-Better-Than-You" Bensimon had been absent from the entire episode thus far. Ah, that was the breath of fresh air I was looking for! I mean, I really cannot stand that brand of batshit crazy. Don't get me wrong, there are some trainwrecks I am happy to sit through. Like Heidi Montag or Kristin Cavallari. First of all, I only have to take them in 30 min increments, and second of all they are about 25% the amount of crazy that Kelly brings to the table. I mean her rant on how PETA isn't against wearing fur and it is her right as an American anyway was just so all over the place that I needed a tranquilizer and a Xanax just to get through it. Or tonight when she muttered something about how the messenger always gets shot in literature...I'm not even thoroughly convinced she knows what literature is much less that she's read anything besides advertisements in Vogue.
Then, she finally made an appearance on last night's episode and it was like the heavens parted just to make way for such a treat of stupidity and horrendousness that I let out an audible cry of joy. WHAT. In the name of all things holy. WAS. SHE. WEARING?! She showed up to a launch of a skincare line in....wait for it....the shorts from her old Hooters uniform..??!!?! At least that is what they looked like. Uncannily. And really I wouldn't put it past her. Then I realized it. THIS is what Kelly is good for! Last week she wore a lace T-shirt as a dress to her own party, and this week we get Hooters shorts at Ramona's. If she conceded to merely show up at events wearing wildly inappropriate outfits then I could really get behind her being on this show. Otherwise I fail to see her relevance. Beyond general craziness and incoherence of course.
***I just have to add now that after watching Watch What Happens Live, Simon (Alex's husband) summed it up perfectly:
When asked if he had male friends he said "Of course I do. Believe it or not we shoot pool....And drink beer and eat chicken wings...now who does that remind me of...Ah, Kelly!" Never been a big Simon fan but if you watch the show you'll know that THAT was funny.
30 April, 2010
28 April, 2010
Go, Team!
Okay, so I was watching The Hills tonight, and I got to thinking about "teams." You know, like when Brad and Jen broke up and we were all "Team Aniston!" (or at least you should have been). So I was thinking about all the "teams" I have subconsciously joined over the past few years.
First there's Team Aniston because, duh. Then there's Team Reese. And of course Team Sandra, like there was ever any question. And even Team Elin.
Now, on The Hills I have to say I am Team Heidi's Mom all the way. She tells her girl how it is, even if she doesn't listen. "Hi, daughter, your boyfriend/fiance/husband is a complete douchebag. Just wanted to reiterate that. Love, Mom!" Heidi's mom also plays for Team Sanity, and I hope someday that poor girl joins her wiser mama. Because really. That scene where we watched them walk away from the restaurant and Heidi's arms were crossed and we were supposed to be able to tell she was all pissed because Mom Just Doesn't Understand and all, well, judging from Heidi's motionless expression, she could have just as easily been elated, surprised, or constipated; it's really hard to tell with that new face.
Also on The Hills (I know, I need to start watching new shows) I have to say I am Team Kristin. Those other girls aren't her real friends and since when have she and Audrina gotten along? Oh, since they decided to write it into the show! Silly me. Anyway, Kristin, honestly if they were your real friends they would have talked to you in private, and in a real way if they thought you had a "problem" and not done it in such a bitchy way. You just keep telling it like it is and when the show is over, call me! We could be "friends" for realsies.
In addition, I also would like to state for the record that I am Team Bethenny ALL THE WAY. (Real Housewives of NYC for those "not in the know" and really why do you not watch this display of amazingness week after week like I do??) Sorry Jill, but you have turned into a real Mean Girl. And at 40 (and I think I'm being generous there) that is oh so unattractive. Bethenny may have her outbursts, but she usually comes from the Voice of Reason whereas Jill is just plain All About ME. So suck it Jill, and Bethenny, you too can feel free to call me too! We'll have Skinnygirl Margaritas and gossip!
Beyond these examples, I always find myself "taking sides" in television and public scenarios such as these. It's so hard not to, what with all those hard-hitting journalists like Ryan Seacrest on the job! So, little children, I have to ask on which "teams" do you find yourselves?
First there's Team Aniston because, duh. Then there's Team Reese. And of course Team Sandra, like there was ever any question. And even Team Elin.
Now, on The Hills I have to say I am Team Heidi's Mom all the way. She tells her girl how it is, even if she doesn't listen. "Hi, daughter, your boyfriend/fiance/husband is a complete douchebag. Just wanted to reiterate that. Love, Mom!" Heidi's mom also plays for Team Sanity, and I hope someday that poor girl joins her wiser mama. Because really. That scene where we watched them walk away from the restaurant and Heidi's arms were crossed and we were supposed to be able to tell she was all pissed because Mom Just Doesn't Understand and all, well, judging from Heidi's motionless expression, she could have just as easily been elated, surprised, or constipated; it's really hard to tell with that new face.
Also on The Hills (I know, I need to start watching new shows) I have to say I am Team Kristin. Those other girls aren't her real friends and since when have she and Audrina gotten along? Oh, since they decided to write it into the show! Silly me. Anyway, Kristin, honestly if they were your real friends they would have talked to you in private, and in a real way if they thought you had a "problem" and not done it in such a bitchy way. You just keep telling it like it is and when the show is over, call me! We could be "friends" for realsies.
In addition, I also would like to state for the record that I am Team Bethenny ALL THE WAY. (Real Housewives of NYC for those "not in the know" and really why do you not watch this display of amazingness week after week like I do??) Sorry Jill, but you have turned into a real Mean Girl. And at 40 (and I think I'm being generous there) that is oh so unattractive. Bethenny may have her outbursts, but she usually comes from the Voice of Reason whereas Jill is just plain All About ME. So suck it Jill, and Bethenny, you too can feel free to call me too! We'll have Skinnygirl Margaritas and gossip!
Beyond these examples, I always find myself "taking sides" in television and public scenarios such as these. It's so hard not to, what with all those hard-hitting journalists like Ryan Seacrest on the job! So, little children, I have to ask on which "teams" do you find yourselves?
25 April, 2010
Isn't It Called Customer "Service" For A Reason?
Michael and I had an interesting encounter at our local Food Lion that really got me thinking about what customer service means to different people. Let me paint you a little picture...
We only have a few items in the cart, so we approach the "Express Lane." The lady in front of us is completely blocking the conveyor belt, even though all her groceries have now been scanned and bagged and her husband is paying. Michael politely asks her if he can set down the two 2-Liter Cokes in his hands onto the belt since she is, after all, not using it. She promptly ignores him. Twice. But Miracle Ear eventually moves and Michael dutifully loads everything onto the belt, while I go up to the swipe-y key pad to pay. The girl bagging groceries bags them, then lets them pile up behind her. Hesitantly, Michael begins place the bags in our cart. They have the following exchange:
Michael (Jovially): Hey-I'm kinda doing all the work here!
Bagger Chick (Whiney Southern Accent): Yeah, I know, but I don't like loading those little blue carts [like you have].
Michael (internally): Right, but isn't that, I don't know, your job?
I was pretty shocked that she would actually say that. To our faces. I have countlessly wanted to say smartass things to customers in my (many) jobs, but when you work in customer service you are expected to smile politely and apologize frequently, even if you've done nothing wrong. I've perfected the fine art of apologizing for things beyond my control.
"I'm so sorry your lucite key chain broke when you dropped it. It's totally my fault for the shoddy craftsmanship of a breakable substance being dropped on the ground. Let me give you a brand new one, free of charge!!"
"I am so sorry your ribeye steak had pieces of fat on it. Let me apologize profusely for a fatty piece of meat being fatty and get you a new one, free of charge!"
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry your white leather handbag got dirty when you placed it in a puddle of red wine. Obviously this is our fault and I will have it cleaned for you, FREE OF CHARGE!!! THANK YOU, COME AGAIN!!"
I've spent half my life apologizing profusely for things I had nothing to do with, so it really miffs me when somebody working in customer service blatantly disregards their duties and does so with no apologies. I'm wondering if this is perhaps me coming from California to a small town community...? Or an isolated incident? Stay tuned...
We only have a few items in the cart, so we approach the "Express Lane." The lady in front of us is completely blocking the conveyor belt, even though all her groceries have now been scanned and bagged and her husband is paying. Michael politely asks her if he can set down the two 2-Liter Cokes in his hands onto the belt since she is, after all, not using it. She promptly ignores him. Twice. But Miracle Ear eventually moves and Michael dutifully loads everything onto the belt, while I go up to the swipe-y key pad to pay. The girl bagging groceries bags them, then lets them pile up behind her. Hesitantly, Michael begins place the bags in our cart. They have the following exchange:
Michael (Jovially): Hey-I'm kinda doing all the work here!
Bagger Chick (Whiney Southern Accent): Yeah, I know, but I don't like loading those little blue carts [like you have].
Michael (internally): Right, but isn't that, I don't know, your job?
I was pretty shocked that she would actually say that. To our faces. I have countlessly wanted to say smartass things to customers in my (many) jobs, but when you work in customer service you are expected to smile politely and apologize frequently, even if you've done nothing wrong. I've perfected the fine art of apologizing for things beyond my control.
"I'm so sorry your lucite key chain broke when you dropped it. It's totally my fault for the shoddy craftsmanship of a breakable substance being dropped on the ground. Let me give you a brand new one, free of charge!!"
"I am so sorry your ribeye steak had pieces of fat on it. Let me apologize profusely for a fatty piece of meat being fatty and get you a new one, free of charge!"
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry your white leather handbag got dirty when you placed it in a puddle of red wine. Obviously this is our fault and I will have it cleaned for you, FREE OF CHARGE!!! THANK YOU, COME AGAIN!!"
I've spent half my life apologizing profusely for things I had nothing to do with, so it really miffs me when somebody working in customer service blatantly disregards their duties and does so with no apologies. I'm wondering if this is perhaps me coming from California to a small town community...? Or an isolated incident? Stay tuned...
21 April, 2010
'Splain Yourself
I still remember when I first discovered I Love Lucy. It was right around the same time that I realized that staying home sick from school totally rules. You see, I had the stomach flu and had to stay home for a week. I spent the whole time curled up on the couch, under the afghan watching daytime television. That's when I discovered Lucy. My long lost best friend. I so wanted to be friends with her and Ethel. I mean HELLO that Carolyn Applebee was a total bitch and did not deserve to be their friend. I would've held the crowbar while Lucy pried John Wayne's footprints out of the sidewalk. I could've taught Lucy ballet and helped her finally get to be in Ricky's show. And if she stuck with me she'd have a way higher tolerance and wouldn't have gotten drunk on a few measly sips of Vitameatavegemin. Sigh. I guess I was just born about 50 years too late for that one. But I have a running list of characters that I would want in my circle of friends and Lucy (and Ethel) will always be at the top. Among the others are Sophia Petrillo, Lindsay Bluth Funke, and Rachel Green.
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