Today, I couldn't take it anymore. I decided that today was the day I would get some mothereffing highlights! Actually, to be accurate I just decided that I needed to be blonder in any way, shape, or form. After perusing the interwebs for a viable hairdresser, and not finding anyone that jumped out at me, I saw online that Ulta carries the Frederic Fekkai hair color line. I've used it before and I had really liked the way it turned out, so I was just going to go a shade lighter with that for now. It's $30 well spent! Anyway, I had some other things I needed to do in the same area as the nearest Ulta, so I figured it was fate.
However, I got to the store and this particular Ulta didn't carry the line. Well. I browsed around but I didn't want to use the other brands. I mean, I've done it before but I have been trying so hard to grow my hair out and I didn't want to ruin all the progress. So I decided that this was in fact the real fate and I should just go ahead and get some highlights at the salon there. They didn't have anyone available for a couple of hours, but as fate would have it (AGAIN!) I had stopped there first and still had plenty of other shopping to do.
3:30, Toys R Us: Sale on the Pack N Play I needed to buy for my sweet niece to sleep in! Fate.
4:00, Williams Sonoma: Sprinkles cupcake mix (red velvet, my favorite!) AND Sarabeth's Strawberry Rhubarb jam??! The EXACT flavor I've been wanting to try??! Fate again!
4:07, Bath and Body Works: Sale on the soap I wanted to buy! Do I really have to say it? The shopping gods love me today.
4:15, Barnes and Noble: Squashy armchair free for me to sit in and read books I have no intention of buying? Hallelujah!
5:28, Ulta: Early for my appointment but I'll just read this magazine
5:35: Sit in chair and tell stylist "Make me a BLONDE again!"
5:45: La la la I'm going to be blonnnnnnndddddde!
5:47: Hmm. She's still working on the same hemisphere. How long does a partial highlight take here?
5:55: STILL working on the first of 3 sections of hair. I know I have a lot of luscious Italian hair, but really.
6:08: Sigh. Finally moved onto another section. Really hope I don't end up with one side of BLONNNNNDDDDE hair, one side of BLONDE hair and one side of blonde hair.
6:10: How is Jessica Biel on the cover of Vogue? What exactly is she promoting? Has she even worked in the last year?
6:11: OMG Katie Holmes is playing Jackie O in a movie??! The only thing worse than that was having to hear her warble "On My Own" from Les Miz like a cat in heat on Dawson's Creek. Oh, and watch her unsuccessfully attempt to dance and sing on SYTYCD. I guess when you agree to be a beard for Tom Cruise you feel you've earned the right to pretty much do whatever else you want.
6:37: She has finally reached the last section of hair and left me to set. Woo hoo! Won't be long now! I mean, since the dye has been on for an hour (on some parts at least) and my hair usually takes pretty quickly.
6:49: Still waiting...
7:03: Where is she? Shouldn't she at least come and check? I'm done with People and Vogue. My phone has died. I am BORED.
7:08: She has checked and it's apparently not ready. Everything really does move slower in the South. Even hair processing time. Although this IS the first time in a LONG time that I am having highlights put onto my actual natural hair. That may have something to do with it.
7:09: She has disappeared again presumably to the break room to text her boyfriend about how she's so bored and can't wait for her last client (me) to be done. That makes two of us, sweetheart.
7:15: She decided that it's finally time to put me under the dryer because gee, this is processing kinda slow!
7:17: La la la I love being under the dryer! I like to lean my head from side to side and listen to the foils crunch!
7:22: I could really use a massaging chair and maybe a foot rest and oooh a little tropical drink with an umbrella and maybe someone to fan me off and feed me grapes...Now that is a good idea for a salon!
7:35: Hurray! The hair is rinsed, I should be out of here in no time!
7:37: OOOWWWWW! Ow ow ow ow ow OW OWWW! Okay, I have a tough scalp so what the F is she combing my hair with? A lint roller?
7:42: This is the most painful blow dry I have ever had. She is inadvertently teasing my hair like a New Jersey hooker's as she dries it.
7:49: Hairdresser: "So...do you usually use conditioner?" F*@$. Well now I know why my hair is the most tangled it has ever been. This professional hair dresser didn't put conditioner in it after lightening it. Wow. Just wow. There are no words.
8:03: Done! After she put some product in it and brushed the poofiness out, it looks great! I guess sometimes beauty is pain.
8:05: La la la la la! I keep looking at myself in my rear view mirror. Being blonde again is like putting little rays of sunshine right there on my head. I feel happy! I feel euphoric! Maybe the bleach seeped into my brain cells...Oh well! Who cares? You don't have to be smart when you're a blonde! No one expects you to be anyway! Just kidding...sort of.
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