Hungry? Why Wait?

I was just considering what I would do the next time I visit California. And all I could think about is how I would eat my way through the entire state at all the places I cannot enjoy out here...

First of all, there's Chipotle and Rubio's: it is next to impossible to get really good Mexican food out here, and these are just the chains I like! I'm sure these places have locations in the great state of North Carolina, but sadly I live in such a small town that the nearest Starbucks is approximately 25 miles away. We have fantastic local restaurants, but sometimes I miss these chains that are on every friggin' corner in Cali. And on the subject of Mexican food, let's not even talk about Miguel's in San Diego. On second thought, let's. Add that in there too. And obvs there is In-N-Out: 'Nuff said. And let's also hit up Yard House and Dave & Buster's for happy hours, BJ's for pizza and beer, Ra Sushi for, well, sushi, duh.

Only in LA: MARIX! It's been too long. More ridiculously good Mexican food. In fact, Marix is my all-time favorite. Lola's ( for mac and cheese and martinis...and freshly baked cookies!), Cheebo, Toast, Doughboy's, and let's not leave out East West for bellinis and karaoke! And of course I'm now dying to try Villa Blanca after watching this season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, dahling.

In San Diego: Megan's Cafe for breakfast, Gus's for pizza, Miguel's, and definitely Searsucker...yummmmm.

In Sactown: Mikuni, Fat's, Pluto's, Beach Hut Deli, La Bou...am I forgetting anything? I can't think straight anymore because now I'm fixin'* to eat my face off. And as I said, if you are ever in this here neck of the backwoods, we have some mighty fine local restaurants that are worth a visit, and that I'm sure will be added to the list of restaurants I miss when we are gone. On that note, I will be in my kitchen now, rustlin' up something to grub down on.


*I just figured now that I am local here I should darn tootin' start talkin' like one!

BritGlee™

I have to admit, I have not been on here in quite awhile. Truthfully, I have just not found anything I have felt compelled to write about. But today is a new day. Yes, today is BritGlee™ day. Incidentally, I coined the phrase BritGlee™ today, and I have taken the liberty of trademarking it, much like Paris Hilton did with That's Hot™. But I digress.



For those not obsessed with Britney Spears (as I am) or Glee (as I am) or both (as I am), tonight was the much-anticipated (by me) episode dedicated to Britney, bitch. I must admit, it was almost everything a BritGleek™ like me could hope for. I have to say almost, because I obviously would have preferred a little more screen time from my homegirl, Britney.



However, there were many factors that managed to make the scarcity of the Britster up for me tenfold.First of all, this episode was like a tribute to my childhood and teen years. While I was deeply affronted by the Glee Clubers pointing out the fact that they "grew up on" Britney (hello, Britney and I are the same age, way to out me as an old fart, Fox!!), I was DELIGHTED by the inclusion of the following:

•Uncle Jesse (aka John Stamos) as Emma's new boyfriend. The only thing that will make this casting choice better is if he gets to perform his hit single Forever in an upcoming episode. Maybe with Emma superimposed over Aunt Becky? And if that episode would include another return of Kristin Chenoweth I think my head may explode.

•The phrase "Leave Britney alone" being uttered within about the first 2 minutes of the episode. Glorious. Too bad Chris Crocker himself wasn't in it! Maybe he was, like, a backup dancer, and I just didn't notice...I foresee that I may have to purchase this episode on iTunes in order to watch it as frequently as I would like in order to get to the bottom of such pressing matters...and obviously to also learn all the choreography...

•Speaking of awesome YouTube references, how about the uttering of the phrase "is this real life" after Rachel goes under at the dentist??! Holy crap, my head very nearly did explode after that. For those who aren't part of the 60 million people who watched it on YouTube, this was a reference to David After the Dentist . The inclusion of that random, and yet totally relevant, phrase was pure genius. I tip my hat to you, Glee writers.

•Ignoring the fact that the characters' childhoods were spent listening to Britney Spears (and mine Wilson Phillips), the references to MY childhood icons brought me pure joy and delight!! Not only did they discuss Blossom (who helped me discover the importance of amazing headwear) but Emma, the very same Emma who is dating Uncle Jesse, actually told Mr. Schue that he looked like a cast member of Kids Incorporated!!! *THUD* Oh, I'm sorry about that. I just died of happiness!!!!

Okay, I am miraculously revived. Whew. Close one. And so, the moral of the story is, every week should be "Britney Week" on Glee.



Or at the very least, "Obscure References to Pop Culture From the Early 90's Until Today Week." It's a mouthful, but it will catch on like fire with viewers like me. Think about it, Fox, just think about it.

Final Thoughts

I sat down to watch Chelsea Lately tonight, and I was treated to a little case of You're-Getting-Old-itis. What that means is I have contracted a disease over the past couple of years that has made it glaringly obvious that I am no longer the young whippersnapper I once was...or whatever the female version of that is. And occasionally, I get flare-ups of said disease that make me want to locate Doc Brown and his Delorean IMMEDIATELY. Case in point: Jerry Springer is the guest on Chelsea Lately tonight, and he has just pointed out that his show has been on the air for TWENTY YEARS. May I just take a moment to point out that I still remember his show when it was merely a talk show of the Sally Jesse Raphael, or Phil Donohue variety, (two shows that some of you may be too young to even remember, as they have been off the air for so long now) and not the depraved reminder of all things wrong with America today that it has since become. So basically, what I am trying to say is I remember this show at it's inception. And it has been on for TWENTY YEARS. The only thing getting me through this revelation is Jerry's comment that his own show "has no redeeming social value whatsoever." And that little tidbit gives me a sliver of hope that maybe our society will turn out okay after all, and that I don't need to polish my bow and arrows and befriend Katniss Everdeen just yet...

The Internal Struggle

Even though I mostly enjoy working out (or at least I enjoy fitting into my favorite jeans), I am constantly finding myself battling a never-ending Internal Struggle with whether or not I should go to the gym. It begins the moment I wake up, and only ends when either I go to the freakin' gym, or curse my lazy ass to sleep, hating myself for not forcing myself to go.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you The Internal Struggle:

7:00 am, alarm goes off: *Rolls over* mmgjhajkas...stupid alarm...dgjnzf...Son of a B...*hits snooze button*

7:07, alarm goes off again: Hmm...okay, I can sleep for 15 more minutes, then I have to get up

7:22: Alright, if I am going to get in a morning workout, I have to leave in an hour. Plenty of time.

7:30, alarm #2 goes off: Okay, I'm up, I'm up...zzzzzzzz

8:55 am: @$%#. It's okay, it's okay. I'll go after the lunch crowd is gone. I just have to get there before 3.

11 am: Or, you know, I could just go for a run later, when it cools off or something.

12:30: Better put my gym clothes on. If I'm already dressed, that's half the battle. Plus, how lazy would I have to be to get dressed and not go to the gym? Only a crazy person would do that.

1pm: I wonder how late the gym is open...

1:15: Pfft, it's open until 9! I can totally go later.

2:30: Alright, I have to go soon if I'm going to miss the after-work crowd.

3: I'll just go after dinner. It might be kind of nice then. But I really have to go, I mean there is no excuse.

4: Or I could still just have a run, then I don't have to drive the 40 minute round-trip drive...ugh

5:30: Or really, I could just eat really light today. I already kind of have. Isn't diet just as important as exercise? I mean, it's good to take a day off from the gym right? Let your body rest? Although, I didn't go 2 days ago either...But it's not like you have to work out every day to stay in shape right?

6:30: Well, let's be real, I am obviously not going to the gym today. I'd better decide if I'm going for a run or not so I can change out of these gym clothes.

6:45: *Steps outside* Well screw that. It's practically a steam room out there.

6:46: *Peels off sports bra* Aaah. That spells relief.

11:00 pm, in bed: I hate myself. What a lazy bitch. Who does that? Who. Does. That? *Sets alarm* I'm definitely working out tomorrow.

Ninja Kitty Assassins

So. I totally got mauled by one of our cats, Mr. Belding, today. I was just trying to move him off my lap so I could get up, and the moment I touched him, he twisted around like a kitty ninja and pierced my arm with his Chinese death stars--oh, I mean claws. I now feel that I know how Siegfried felt. Or is it Roy? Whichever. I felt betrayed and also it hurt like a bitch. I can't imagine anything hurting more, although I'm sure Siegfried would beg to differ. Or Roy. I immediately started crying and yelled "you bastard!" and ran to the bedroom, shutting the door so he couldn't follow me. It was all very dramatic. Like a Lifetime Movie, only I didn't collapse on the floor behind the door and weep silently. But don't think that didn't occur to me. Then of course within 5 minutes I hear scratching at the door, and obviously I was hoping it would be Tito trying to comfort me and tell me what a jerk his brother is, but alas, it was Mr. Belding, looking up at me all sweet and wide-eyed. He immediately started cuddling me so I think it's safe to say he really learned his lesson. Well. Probably not, but it's just so hard to stay mad at that little bugger, so the heart believes what it wants.

I'd Like To Buy A Vowel

Throughout my childhood, I had a variety of career aspirations. For example, at the age of four, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would proudly proclaim "Vanna White!" Yes, I felt that my talents would be best spent walking back and forth across a soundstage, turning letters (and later, as technology advanced, touching a screen to reveal letters). Plus she wore, like, really pretty sparkly dresses! What an awesome job! Later, I got a little older and decided that I wanted to be a member of The Mickey Mouse Club. Or Kids Incorporated, really I wasn't picky. Then I expanded beyond the show business industry and thought I might like to be a teacher. Then in sixth grade, my yearbook entry stated that I wanted to be a pediatrician. Really? I don't know where that one came from. I must not have realized how much schooling went into that, not to mention science classes, which I hate, and blood and needles, which I fear. But never mind. By seventh grade I knew what I really, truly wanted to be: a Janet Jackson back up dancer. I had the moves from the "If" video down pat, and I was pretty much obsessed with dance, taking at least 5 classes a week. Yes this was my calling.

In junior high, Brooke and I were so into our dance "careers" we refused to do anything that might jeopardize that.

Running the mile in PE: No thanks, we will walk. We don't want to develop bulky muscles that might not look aesthetically pleasing as a dancer, and ruin our futures in dance.

Invited to go on a snowboarding trip: Sorry, no can do. We might injure ourselves and not be able to perform at the Red Lion Inn in Sacramento next week.

The good news is, our ridiculous obsession also kept us out also kept us out of trouble. We wouldn't dare do anything to get ourselves in trouble and possibly risk our futures as Broadway dancers or Rockettes. Actually, I am too short to be a Rockette, which completely devastated me when I found out, but I digress.

Now that I am still looking for work and not having much luck, I think I may have had it right at the age of four. I mean Vanna White's job is pretty much awesome, and one of the few jobs for which I feel totally confident that I am qualified. Look out Vanna, someone's gunning for you to trip on your heels and leave a vacancy...

Carrie Bradshaw, I Knew You Were A Smart Cookie

After all these years...six fabulous seasons and two somewhat entertaining movies... I finally know what Carrie Bradshaw was talking about. Okay, I don't want to brag, or toot my own horn, but there is a blonde in the room who just received her very first pair of Manolo Blahniks and she is really freaking excited about it!

I have to say after wearing them I really do understand why they are so expensive. They feel more comfortable, look more luxurious, and have the ability to make the wearer walk on water! I know that last part sounds a little far-fetched, but trust me, it's true. I won more money while wearing them in Vegas, and appeared at least 3 years younger. We are talking miracle shoes here!!! I walked taller (partly because my height was increased by at least 4 inches) and felt more fabulous. These puppies are worth every discounted penny! Ladies, there is a sale at the store in the Wynn. Run, don't walk. And when you leave the store...strut!

Not Without Ketchup

Okay, I swore to myself that I wasn't just going to write about SYTYCD all the time because really. Not that many people watch it religiously like me, so I could be alienating some of my fan base! And then I realized... Fan base??! What fan base? Oh you mean my mom and husband? Yeah they have to listen to me anyway, so I can write about whatever I want! Yay me!

Anyhoodle, I am sitting here watching last night's episode and after getting through the first fifteen minutes of the two hour show, I just couldn't hold it in anymore! First of all, Cat Deeley clearly wants to be the next Paula because HOLY CRAP was she drunk or something?

In the opening of the show alone she said, for no apparent reason "Don't ruffle my feathers, Billy!" when strutting past him, and then kept repeating "Weren't they great this week?" Perhaps they were when you watched them in rehearsals, Cat, but the rest of us haven't watched them dance yet. After the first performance, which ends with Christina sort of straddled on top of Pasha, Cat says gleefully, "Woman on top! You're a girl after my own heart!" Um...okay...TMI maybe?

THEN it gets crazier. So they are doing these "packages" (as they call them on these shows) of clips of the dancers as kids. While Adechike is talking about how he has no photos of himself dancing as a child because his family lost everything in a fire, they proceed to show family photos of him engulfed in digital flames! I'm sorry...did that really just happen? That was both tasteless and uncomfortable. Congratulations, Fox! You just ousted Danielle Staub's "striptease performance" on the Real Housewives of New Jersey as The Thing Burned On My Retinas That I Never Wanted To See In The First Place. On to his performance with Allison... Oh I'm sorry, he was in that dance? I couldn't stop watching Allison; she was amazing. And herein lies the problem with the "All Stars" being on the show: the newbies risk being outperformed by the "All Stars" when paired up with the likes of Allison and Kathryn. And yes I am still putting "All Stars" in quotes much like I will write the Katy Perry song "California Girls" and not the deliberate (and ridiculous) misspelling she uses. I refuse to even acknowledge it. But that is neither her nor there.

Can I just take a minute here to sing the praises of Alex? I think he's my favorite male dancer. Although Kent was so stinking cute last week, he won me over a little bit. But Alex, to me, is the best male dancer on the show. Was he perfectly in the Fosse style this week? No, but he is such a beautiful dancer I really don't care. Add the fact that he was paired with Lauren, which to me worked in his favor, as she..well...SUCKS. Okay, obviously she's a better dancer than me, but that's not really the point. She's NOT better than, say, any other girl that's been on the show before and would have been better suited to be called an "All Star."

Next up, Cat manages to slur the word "Ashley" which is actually harder to do than it sounds, considering it has that built in "SH" sound that so often occurs in slurred speech.

By the way, is Mia Michaels wearing brass knuckles??

At this point in the evening, I half expected Cat to make a drunken remark about how the whitest boy to ever dance on their stage was about to krump and, well... she did manage to do a little "gangsta" hand motion when describing the "mean streets of Palm Beach" where he grew up. So I wasn't entirely disappointed. And in swoops Billy, out to steal my heart with the description of his first dance routine to the Backstreet Boys, replete with pleather, flame-covered costume at which point he says "it was pretty epic, I'm not going to lie." Oh Billy, that warmed my cold, black heart! And then Billy skips into rehearsal and says to Li'l C in true Billy fashion "Hiiiii Lit-tle C!" which is just so darn cute, especially when you anticipate that he is about to learn how to krump. Correction, Billy, THIS is going to be epic. I just hope they have plenty of pleather ready for him. And, well, Billy lucked out because that routine was about as much krump as Ashley's routine was jazz. Which is to say, not.

And then we have our resident tap dancer, Hipster McNoPersonality, who dances a contemporary routine in which I found her to be horrendous and the judges adored. Hmmm...WHATEVS

All-Star Kathryn (who doesn't get air quotes because she is EPIC) dancing Bollywood gave me chills. She was perfection wrapped up in a glittery, harem-wrapped, face-painted bow. I think she was paired up with one of the newbies but I failed to notice him.

I am excited to watch Lauren, my favorite contestant. However, the fact that I am 10 years older than her is not completely lost on me. This means that when she started dancing, I started high school. I have now officially become one of Those People who hates getting older. I'll try to let that go, because unless I locate Nicolas Flamel's Sorcerer's Stone and use it to make some Elixer of Life, I'm pretty much SOL on that front. Anyway, LAUREN. WAS. AMAZING! Love love love her! That hip hop routine was all kinds of awesome, and she NAILED IT! That just made my night. I may have to watch it again.

Not do be outdone, however, Cat manages to turn into a creepy sex predator. Lauren, young, sweet innocent and fresh out of high school, mentions how she tried to go to a deeper place (emotionally) with this performance, and Cat turns to her partner, Dominic, and says "Dominic do you want to get to a...deeper...place?" I am now convinced that Cat has been spending her free time with David Hasselhoff, and we will soon see her sprawled on the floor talking about cheeseburgers. I give it four more episodes.

Last up is Kent, who inadvertently calls his partner, Courtney, a whore, when he says she allows him to touch her as much as he wants, which is something new and different for him. I guess she didn't have the heart to tell him she was allowing him to touch her in the manner in which the routine was choreographed.

And the quote of the night comes from (who else?) Cat Deeley:

Nigel (to Courtney) "Would you eat [Kent] alive?"
Cat: "Not without ketchup!"

And OH MY GOD Cat actually says she's getting a hamburger after the show! Did I call that or what??! Better make that two more episodes.

Panic Mode

Okay, I know I am a bit of an exaggerator, but I just came home to the biggest bug I have ever seen in my life. It is the size of a house. SERIOUSLY. It is bigger than my cats were when we got them as kittens. SERIOUSLY. I don't know what to do. Do I call the fire department? Animal control? The zoo? NASA? Maybe they'll want to do some experiments on it before returning it to it's home planet. I certainly don't have the stomach to get rid of it myself. I am afraid it will kill me in my sleep if I try. Or worse, kill me in my sleep if I DON'T try. Then what do I do with it if I am able to spray it down? Do I bury it? Call a funeral home? I am FREAKING OUT. We are talking about a girl who is afraid of baby spiders. This thing eats baby spiders for breakfast. Then moves on to mice because a baby spider is like a CRUMB to him. I am officially in full blown panic mode. Somebody help me!!!

So You Think You Can Ruin My Favorite Show

Just as another lackluster season of American Idol ends, so begins another season of one of my favorite shows: So You Think You Can Dance. Am I the only one who sometimes wishes they had gone with a show title that wasn't such a mouthful? Even just calling it "America's Favorite Dancer" since that's what they're searching for... or "American Dancer" like "American Idol" would've been easier too. I mean, those titles suggestions are admittedly kind of lame, but really, whoever was in the room when they voted on "So You Think You Can Dance" as the winning show title doesn't really have room to talk.

Anyway, the new season started the other night (I don't even know what night, it just showed up on my DVR list like a little gift from heaven) and I have some more grievances to air with Fox over the direction they are taking with this show. I know. But they brought this upon themselves.

Granted, they've changed the format around ever since the show started, so I should just get used to it. Like, does anyone remember Lauren Sanchez, the original host? Poor thing is to SYTYCD as Brian Dunkleman is to American Idol. Only Cat Deeley isn't nearly as big of a bitch as Ryan Seacrest, and would never go on live television and joke about the missing Lauren Sanchez. (For those who didn't watch this season of AI, Seacrest made a joke about Brian Dunkleman coming back, just one of many weird moments that make him a perfect candidate for his own Real Housewives franchise on Bravo. But I digress)

Anyway, the seasons have changed over the years, from the dancers switching partners every week, to having the same partner, which wasn't such a big deal to me. Then they added random styles like "Russian" replete with horrendous costumes. Not my cup of tea dance-wise, but it's good for some laughs, so whatevs. But these are just minor annoyances, like when the judges wet themselves over all of Sonya Tayeh's routines, most of which I just don't get. Sort of like her hair.

Last season you will recall they not only short-changed my season by an episode, but due to the World Series conflicting with the schedule, they didn't allow voting for the first couple of episodes. Which is sort of the entire point of the show: finding AMERICA'S Favorite Dancer. Not Nigel Lithgoe's Favorite Dancer. But the judges ultimately eliminated the people I would have eliminated, so I let that one slide.

But now, they're reformatting the entire process of the show. (Side note: I don't know if these changes are to make it more like Dancing With the Stars, but I for one don't even like that show) First of all, instead of having the show begin with the Top 20 dancers, they're only going to have a Top 10. I guess this means we can brace ourselves for an even shorter season than the last. Then, instead of the dancers being paired with each other, they are bringing in a cast of former contestants, or "All-Stars" (most of which are so memorable to me I had to look them up to figure out who the hell they were) and the dancers will be paired with a different "All-Star" each week. I will continue to put "All-Stars" in quotes because I refuse to take that title seriously. This is where it's reminding me wayyyy too much of DWTS. Because hey, trained dancers win that show too, so I really fail to see the difference now. Also, with "All-Stars" like Lauren in the mix, it vaguely reminds me of the "mentors" on American Idol this season. WHAT. A joke. Miley Cyrus was a mentor. You read that right. Miley Cyrus. What the hell kind of advice did they expect from her? "Hey y'all! *Smacks gum* So the way for y'all to become, like, famous and stuff *smack smack* is to have a daddy who's, like, already famous *smack* and, like, have him get you a show on the Disney Channel. *Smack smack* They'll pretty much take care of the rest of your career. *Smack*" Another one of Idol's expert "mentors": Adam Lambert. The same Adam Lambert who was just on last season. And lost. And whose very first album just came out. Like a week before the show. He was on Ellen before the mentor episode aired and even he was pretty miffed as to why they chose him. I guess a paycheck's a paycheck though.

In addition to these drastic changes to SYTYCD, the hot tamale train has permanently left the station. That's right, Mary Murphy has been replaced by MIA Michaels (Get it? She was MIA last season...and her name's Mia. I kill myself) as a permanent judge, and Mary will allegedly be back as a guest judge, but I won't hold my breath on that one. We'll see how this season pans out. I'm not going to lie, I am less than thrilled with these changes and I'm not afraid to take it off my DVR series list if it totally sucks. After all, I'm going to have to make room for The X Factor when that starts! At least there's one reality competition show for me to look forward to.